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Ordination

General

By applying to be ordained by the Church of the Apathetic Agnostic, you are vouching that you accept the Articles of Faith and that you are prepared to pass the Church's teachings on to others.

The link to the application form is at the bottom of this page. However, it is probably in your interest to read this page so you know what you are getting into before you apply.

Ordination is real. The Patriarch of the Church is an ordained minister, and is authorized by the Apathetic Agnostic Church to ordain clergy. Ordination is not a joke, even though some applicants may choose to treat it less than seriously.

Clergy are eligible for a Masters Degree from the International University of Nescience, the educational arm of the Apathetic Agnostic Church. Degrees available are listed further down the page.

There is no charge for ordination by The Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic. On the other hand, there is no remuneration provided by the Church for any of these positions. ("We ain't got no money, honey" - see section on Needs.)

We normally ordain applicants with the standard designations of Minister, Pastor, Rabbi, Priest, or Priestess. Alternate nomenclature at the equivalent level is usually acceptable (but is subject to approval) depending on the applicant's personal preferences and cultural traditions. For simplicity in this document, we will use the term minister.

Role of the Minister

The role of a minister is to help make information about the church and its teachings available to interested individuals. At minimum you should be prepared to provide a link to the home page of The Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic in your own home page. Or you may create a Web Page devoted to The Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic. It may be a mirror of this site or consist of your own content consistent with official Church doctrine. Alternatively you might consider an outreach program. To all those who come knocking at your door to preach their religion, to try to collect money, or to try and sell you something, you will undertake to pass on the teachings of The Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic. You can treat telemarketeers similarly. Your aim, of course, is not only to convert these poor souls, but to ensure they never, ever, try to contact you again.

As an ordained minister, you may conduct appropriate traditional ceremonies, with due reverence. If your legal jurisdiction recognizes your ordination (you have to resolve this issue locally - the only support the Church can give you is to validate your credentials if asked by your local authorities), then you may conduct legal marriage ceremonies. You may conduct ceremonies of union for those wanting marriages not blessed by law. You may also conduct naming ceremonies for young children and funeral ceremonies. Such rituals are common to all societies, and shall be conducted with full seriousness and appreciation for tradition.

All ordained clergy are authorized to access the Church's Clergy Resource Site for guidance in the conduct of their responsibilities.

Access the application at the bottom of the page.

Graduate Degrees for Clergy

In recognition that clergy do not arrive at a full understanding of the foundations of Apathetic Agnosticism without years of self study and analysis, and that possession of an advanced degree is powerful evidence of a minister's ability to pass on wisdom to those less knowledgeable, all clergy are eligible to apply for a Masters degree.[1]

  • Master of Basic Agnosticism (MBA)
  • Master of Apathy
  • Master of Ignorance
  • Master of Nescience
  • Master of Agnostic Studies
  • Master of Apathy & Ignorance
  • Master of Nescience & Apathy
  • Master of Apathetic & Agnostic Studies

Degrees will be dated as of the last convocation preceding your application; either late May or late December.

Documentation

Ordination and degree certificates will be fully personalized and emailed to you in high quality jpeg format suitable for printing on letter-size stationary.

The Church stands behind its ordinations and will respond to legitimate inquiries as to validity of individual ordinations. We reserve the right to charge you a small fee to recover any costs for this confirmation service.

For those wishing multiple certifications: The standard policy is one degree and one ordination per member or clergy. All documents are individually created and require a fair amount of work to prepare, and they are issued free. Please don't abuse this service.

Multiple Application Policy

Multiple applications will be deleted unactioned. We will not waste time advising you.

This includes:

Document Replacement

The application form is not to be used to request replacement documentation. That would result in the application being considered a multiple application and deleted.

The document replacement policy is here.

Ordination Application

To be ordained into the Church and obtain your free degree::

An alternative ordination option through the Worldwide Church of Agnostics is available for those Agnostics who cannot accept the three Articles of Faith, and for those Apathetic Agnostics who, for professional reasons, would prefer a more serious sounding organization issuing their ordination. No degree is provided with WCA ordination.

If you intend applying under a false name, please read this first.

Ordination Application Forms

Submit only one ordination application!
Submit both - and both will be ignored.

Church of the Apathetic Agnostic

Worldwide Church of Agnostics

To report an error (if the form is broken for you) advise using the contact form.

If you do not receive a response in a reasonable time, please read this.

Footnotes:

  1. All Degrees are granted by the International University of Nescience, the educational arm of The Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, a leader in Apathetic & Agnostic Studies since the second millennium. The University is a totally unaccredited institution, and advises applicants that its degrees may not receive the full recognition they deserve from third parties. The University stands behind its emailed degrees with the claim that they are worth at least the paper they are printed on. The University wishes you good luck in using its degrees on resumes and job applications. However, do not expect the University to respond to requests for transcripts of marks from prospective employers.