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Discussion 1 to Ask the Patriarch 109
Towards an Agnostic Bible

by Eric Vande Zande

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In the reply to “Ask the Patriarch 109”, the patriarch states “I am not a believer in the need for an Agnostic Bible.”  Perhaps the question should not be “Do we need an Agnostic Bible?” but rather it could be “What could we accomplish if we were to have our own holy book?”

I can see many legitimate reasons for creating such a book:

  1. Every official religion that I have ever heard of has a holy book or eight.
  2. There is a plethora of good articles on the website which could be canonized into an official book.  Right now, there is limited organization of this material and the chaff and the wheat have not been separated to guide pre-agnostics to a better understanding of what we believe.
  3. The clergy resource site could use more resource material.
  4. In the distant future, the material in the holy book could be tested and advanced agnostic degrees could be presented to passing sages.
  5. There is always the humor factor. 
  6. The creation of such a book could facilitate a sense of community between Apathetic Agnostics.

I took an hour to consider the possible books that an Apathetic Agnostic bible might have and came up with the following tentative titles (Note that many titles came from our quotations pages):

Suggested Books for the Apathetic Agnostic Holy Book

Testament of the Old

  • The Agnostic Scriptures
  • Gnostics
  • Exiles
  • Levites
  • Nomenclature
  • DaVinci
  • Yeshua
  • Judgmentals
  • Ruth Hermence Green
  • 1 Steven Hawking
  • 2 Steven Hawking
  • 1 Kant, Immanuel
  • 2 Kant, Immanuel
  • 1 Cronies
  • 2 Cronies
  • Hume, David
  • Nietzsche, Fred
  • Emerson, Ralph Waldo
  • Poe, Edgar Allan
  • Paine, Thomas
  • Proverbials
  • Ecstatics
  • Song of Something
  • Aristotle
  • Jefferson, Thomas
  • Lamenters
  • Einstein, Albert
  • Dawkins, Richard
  • Feuerbach
  • Joel, Billy
  • Allen, Woody
  • Oscar Wilde
  • Jimmy Buffett
  • Miller
  • Napoleon
  • Hippocrates
  • Zappa, Frank
  • Huxley
  • Zola, Emil
  • Mulcahy, Father
  • The Apathetical / Agnostocanonical Books
  • Hobbit
  • Judith
  • Additions to the Book of Emerson
  • Wisdom of the Agnostic
  • Franklinasticus, or the Wisdom of Benjamin Franklin
  • Barker, Dan
  • The Bible of Jefferson
  • The Prayer of Voltaire
  • Sigmund Freud
  • Bertrand Russell and Robert Ingersoll
  • 1 Mill, John Stewart
  • 2 Mill, John Stewart
  • 1 Sagan
  • Prayer of Magellan
  • Paine 151
  • 3 Mill, John Stewart
  • 2 Eleanor
  • 4 Mill, John Stewart

Testament of the New

  • Monty Python
  • Marcus Aurelius
  • Luke Skywalker
  • The Johns
  • Acts of the Agnostics
  • Roberts
  • 1 Carlin, George
  • 2 Carlin, George
  • George Bernard Shaw
  • Edmund, Burke
  • Phil Spector
  • Confucius
  • 1 Twain, Mark
  • 2 Twain, Mark
  • 1 Thoreau, Henry David
  • 2 Thoreau, Henry David
  • Titus Maccius Plautus
  • Plato
  • Hobbes, Thomas
  • The James
  • 1 Proofs
  • 2 Proofs
  • 1 John Tyrrell
  • 2 John Tyrrell
  • 3 John Tyrrell
  • Julius Caesar
  • Revelation of Jerry Falwell