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Discussion 1 to Meditation 299
Debating the Invisiblepinkunicornologist

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When an IPUologist proclaims there is an invisible pink unicorn in the room, he[1] wants someone to disagree with him and go through the futile argument of disproving the fruits of his imagination.. The best way to respond is to disappoint him by agreeing with his claim. Support it vociferously. Fight the irrational with the irrational.[2]

Following is a sample scenario.[3] Be prepared to ad lib as necessary. If others are present, subtly encourage them to join in.

IPUologist: This may surprise you, but there's an invisible pink unicorn in the room.[4]

You (looking around, then fixing your eyes on one spot): Oh yes... There he[5] is, over there. (Point at the unicorn)

IPUologist: I said invisible!

You (walking towards the unicorn): I know. But my vision extends into the infra-pink. You remember, you did say he was pink.

IPUologist: There's no such thing as infra-pink.

You (reaching towards unicorn): Of course there is. How else could something be known to be both invisible and pink?

You (drawing your hand back suddenly): Ouch! (Looking back towards IPUologist) His horn is sharp!

IPUologist: There's no unicorn there!

You (reaching into your pocket): But it was you who said there is one. And he's right here.. (Take your hand out of your pocket, apparently holding something.)

You (extending your hand toward the unicorn, palm up, but looking at the IPUologist): I always keep one of these handy in case I ever run into an invisible pink unicorn - an invisible pink sugar cube.

You (facing the unicorn): Did you like that, big fella? I'm sorry, I only have the one. Do you mind if I pat you?

IPUologist: You can't pat him!. He's... he's immaterial.

You (patting and stroking motions): You never said that! You just said invisible! And I am touching him. He's thoroughly tangible. Oh... So soft! Feels just like cashmere... (Hug the imaginary unicorn and lay your cheek on its neck, if this sort of gesture comes naturally to you.)

You (turning to IPUologist): Come and pet him... Oh no! He really really does not like you. He just left the room.

IPUologist: There was never a unicorn there - you're just fantasizing.

You (smiling, knowing you have turned the tables): Prove it! After all, I know he was here. I touched him.

 

Footnotes:

  1. Women are normally too smart to make this type of foolish claim.
  2. There are two dangers to this exercise:
    • our claimed contact with the unicorn may cause you to be accused of virginity. This may or may not be disadvantageous to you.
    • If this is a classroom exercise and the IPUologist is your teacher or professor, your marks might suffer, or may improve depending on the teacher's personality.
  3. Another way to play this games is to reply along the following lines. "Oh do you have an imaginary friend too? Mine's name is Mary. She's human. What's your's name? Can my imaginary friend play with your imaginary friend?..."
  4. There are those who suggest the IPU is elsewhere - perhaps out circling Uranus. In this case, you respond - "Oh no! The spaceship just landed, and look! He just came into the room."
  5. Believers in the IPU as a deity consider it to be female. We will consider it male for the purpose of this discussion to differentiate.