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But Just Whose Family Values?

A . An Introduction To "My Philosophy"

I was inspired to write about my own Philosophy upon hearing about the best seller "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray. While it is all well and good to try to salvage relationships that are foundering by promoting better communications between the warring parties, I am motivated by the ancient adage, "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." The above cited work is the "pound of cure," which is applicable only to those persons who are willing to subject themselves to a treatment regimen long after their nerves have been worn to a frazzle by their "significant other." This book is intended to promote development of the "ounce of prevention" which would not only eliminate the need for "taking the cure," but would hopefully also prevent a great deal of unhappiness among those who would never submit themselves for treatment in the first place.
The basic thesis of this work is that men and women do not have difficulty with their interpersonal communications because they are from different planets, but those problems arise because our culture trains its children from the beginning of their lives on this planet that persons of the opposite sex are "enemies." Think about that a bit. We spend ten to twenty years training boys and girls that they are not supposed to like each other very much, and then we expect them to get married and get along merely because their hormones tell them that they should "desire" someone of the opposite sex. Is it any wonder that homosexuality is on the rise in our population? While there is still some argument over whether or not there might be a biological (gene based) predisposition towards homosexuality,1 most experts believe that homosexual behavior is learned, and personally, I mostly agree. How it is learned, in an environment which supposedly vigorously suppresses, and some say even persecutes, any homosexual tendencies, is a matter into which science has not yet inquired, although it surely should. However, I do not intend the lack of a scientific basis for my opinions to be a barrier to my at least advancing a thesis on this subject. While I personally have a great deal of empathy and tolerance for those who view themselves as homosexual or bisexual, it cannot be denied that homosexual relationships are anti-survival at the racial level because they tend to not produce offspring, and children are a fundamental requirement for racial survival and advancement. Furthermore, for whatever reason, homosexuals tend to engage in greater quantities of undesirable pairings (shorter term pairings, lesser degrees of commitment to the pairing, leading to a greater likelihood of a dissolution of the pairing, and more "cheating" even while supposedly paired to another), a social phenomena which has contributed mightily to the spread of the AIDS virus, if not other sexually transmitted diseases. While criminalizing homosexual conduct is clearly not the answer, especially since our civilization has (albeit inadvertently) trained these individuals to be homosexuals, it is clearly proper to consider all homosexuals to be an unfortunate abnormality in our society. With all of this in mind, I believe that an increasing quantity of homosexuals in our society is a clear symptom of sickness in our child-rearing procedures because it must be those procedures which train our children to have homosexual tendencies. It seems almost intuitively obvious to me that, if you train children from birth that they should be best friends with a person of the same sex, and only tolerate those of the opposite sex, you should expect opposite sex relationships to be fragile and same sex relationships to exert an undeniable pull. Thus, it is the mixed messages we send our children, causing them to both desire and hate both same and opposite sex partners, that at least contributes to the increased spread of homosexuality.
There are some other social ills, against which the pundits rail from time to time, which are also seemingly caused by similar defects in our child-rearing procedures. These ills include: a tendency towards battered spouses, particularly battered women;2 a high divorce rate; the failure of many parents to even marry in the first place; the formation of a gang culture which permeates the inner city as an essentially lawless sub-culture; plus any number of other social ills which are ancillary to any of those mentioned, such as the impoverishment of women and children due to the lack of a two adult household for an increasing proportion of the children in our society.
The Christian "Right" has loudly proposed that we should return to traditional "family values" as the cure-all for each of the above ills. Insidiously, it is those very right-wing Christian values which lie at the base of the problem. Accordingly, even if we adopted these values, and promoted them constantly and consistently in our culture, we would still get increasing quantities of those very ills which those values are supposed to combat. The reasons for this are complex, and really derive from the overall collapse of Western Culture, as described by Oswald Spengler. He foresaw a movement such as the Christian Right as being a necessary component of the dissolution of Western Civilization, NOT as its cure. For the prescription proposed by the Christian "Right" to actually work, we would have to roll the clock back at least a couple of centuries and convince women that, once again, they are the property of their men and thus they should do exactly what their men tell them to do.3 It is again obvious that this "solution" fails because the condition precedent, that women would relinquish the fruits of centuries of progress in rights for women, will be unacceptable to most modern woman who have been raised with full knowledge of that progress and its implications. You might just as easily convince Blacks to willingly return to their status as slave agricultural workers! In any case, the freedom which we now accord to women is a product of forces unleashed by the so-called Industrial Revolution, and there is no putting that genie back in its bottle.
So, if a return to traditional Christian values is not only not feasible, but would actually contribute to a worsening of the problem, then what is the solution? Obviously, that is the subject of this book. For the long answer, you have to read it.
The short answer is that we are finally intelligent enough to design a new social order which promotes those values which we all claim to hold dear, but which the traditional training of our children actually results in our children becoming the antithesis of what we desire. For example, our culture claims to hold in high esteem those women who are virgins on their wedding night. But our culture also trains its men to become sexually active as early as possible and get as much as possible from as many different women as possible if they want to be held in high esteem by their peers. These two goals cannot be met at the same time. They are all but totally incompatible.4 The latest statistics I have read state that something like eighty-five percent of eighteen year olds have had sex at least once. It is highly doubtful that more than a small fraction of these teenagers were married to their partner at the time of the sex acts in question. The Christian "Right" has started a virginity movement as its answer to this dichotomy. It gets both boys and girls to each pledge to be virgins on their wedding nights. This is at least a comprehensible solution. However, it is, in essence, asking small children to assume the burdens of a religious order at an age when their hormones are screaming the opposite message at the maximum level of intensity. Without more fundamental changes in our underlying social fabric, it is unworkable as a solution for more than the few thousand committed followers who have basically brainwashed themselves into adopting a totally artificial state of being which denies their very humanity for more years than any prior generation would ever have been expected to do.5
I expect that many will reject the idea there is something fundamentally "wrong" with the way our children are raised. However, it is clear that, to the extent that there is any real "design" in the child-rearing process, that design is centuries old. While the content of our children's education may have changed significantly, the basic message has not. That message is a product of the underlying culture of centuries ago, when the needs of society were so fundamentally different than our needs today that it is no real surprise to discover that the message no longer "works" to produce "good citizens" of our modern day global village. And it truly is a global village. Recent research has concluded that the same social trends which the Christian "Right" denounces in this country are, in fact, occurring in many other nations around the world, almost without regard to the name of the country or the nature of the predominant religion of its people.
It is to meet that expected rejection, identified above, that I have included so much underlying material. For those readers who know the foundations of our cultural heritage, you can restrict your study of the first part of this book to a high speed skimming of the introductory Sections. It is fundamental that if you do not understand the disease, you cannot understand the cure. So, before I derive the solution to our sick society, I should first describe not only the ills that cause the sickness, but the reasons those ills exist. In fact, each of the concepts which I now identify as ripe for the dustbin of history was at one time a necessary part of the essential fabric of our society. However, we have changed a number of the basic rules without altering their corollaries. These are the flaws I hope to explain in the first part, and solve in the second part.
I also full well expect to be attacked by the Christian "Right" and denounced as a godless heathen, or some such. And in their view, that is probably what I am. (But remember, they are being led by those who preach the path of the Anti-Christ!) But that same Christian "Right" feeds on ignorance of the truth, as do all religious movements, and thus it is the bright white light of truth which shall be my guardian. Truth proclaims that much depravity6 which we "should" abhor today is actually caused, at base, by the very ideals which the Christian "Right" so loudly promotes.
I believe that a system of philosophy (including religious, social, and economic beliefs) which makes sense to the common man will attract those people who truly desire change. We all know that something is fundamentally wrong with things as they are. Our social fabric is clearly disintegrating as we watch. However, people will not willingly submit themselves to the tyrannical answers of the past. Either some group will impose a change by force of arms, or else we will have a peaceful revolution of values which will result in a return of "domestic tranquillity." Obviously, it is the latter which I hope to encourage with this book!
I do not claim to have the total answer. But, as every journey begins with the first step,7 so too does every solution begin with the first proposal. I hope that you will take to heart my constructive criticism herein, and become a part of the solution, as opposed to being a part of the problem. Only if a mass of readers begins to agitate for changes like what I propose herein will we, as the inheritors of Western Civilization, have some hope to salvage our children's and grandchildren's future from the problems which our own ancestors have imposed on them.

1 Some research has been performed which seemingly indicates that homosexuals tend to have a different brain chemistry than do heterosexuals and that homosexuality can be induced in fruit flies with a certain gene. This research has not yet been verified. Even if it is verified, that begs the question of just how that difference in brain chemistry arises and just what the particular gene in question really controls. Since learning clearly can cause significant changes in the brains of the students, it would not be beyond possibility that the differences in chemistry would be a result of the learned homosexual behaviors, as opposed to a cause of them. The fruit flies seemingly concur.

2 The majority of battered women are victims only, not significantly contributing to the level of violence in their relationships; a lesser number are coequal batterers, hitting their partners as part and parcel of any argument; and a very small quantity batter their otherwise passive husbands. Regardless of which category a given relationship falls into, I assert that all participants are mentally ill, to some degree, for them to foster, or even tolerate, that kind of relationship violence, which must in turn be based on a deep seated hatred of one's partner. This conclusion is bolstered by the known fact that untreated battered women are quite likely to find themselves in a second violent relationship after removing themselves from a prior violent relationship. Finally, this bolsters another conclusion that these women are somehow trained to seek violent and/or sick relationships.

3 Some fundamentalist sects have adopted this principle, requiring women to be obedient to their husbands. Thus, in any disagreement between spouses, the woman is expected to be subservient to the wishes of the man.

4 About the only possible solution would be public brothels. However, earlier this century, they were done away with in most parts of the United States. The only exception is in certain rural counties in Nevada.

5 Let us not forget that Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet were all of fourteen years old, and that in his time, kids were not as healthy, and thus did not mature physically at anything near as early an age as kids do now. The Jewish tradition of the Bar Mitzvah at age thirteen really was the beginning of actual manhood. On the one hand, we now ask our kids to wait until after college graduation before assuming their role as adults, about a decade later than what was "normal" only a century or two ago. On the other hand, modern public health has caused kids to mature physically much earlier than they used to. As the classic comedy routine goes: "If Booth Tarkington were to write his novel, Seventeen, today, he would have to call it Twelve." The net result is that, while classically kids matured physically at about the same time as they were recognized as being adults, modern kids mature physically as much as a decade and a half before we are ready for them to fully experience adulthood. This is the key factor which our society only slightly recognizes, and totally fails to address.

6 Throughout this book, I will use the word "depravity" as a catch-all for whatever moral failure is at issue at any given point in time. It can stand equally well for mindless criminal violence, gang culture, loveless/mindless sex, or any horrific mutilation of the human condition. Whenever you read this word, associate it with your own favorite moral failure.

7 "A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." From The Way of Lao-tzu, translated by Wing-tsit Chan, as cited in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations., 15th Ed., Page 65, Item 1.

Copyright 1994-1999 by the Agnostic Church

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